Rancher Daddy (Family Ties Book 2) Page 9

  Holly noted his fervent tone, surprised by it. She’d never have labeled Luc as passionate about things; he was always laid-back and comfortable. She liked this other side of him, admired his stance as a champion for kids. A lot.

  “I’ve been thinking of what we were talking about.” Holly smiled at his puzzled look. “God’s will.”

  “Oh, yeah.” His wry grin touched her heart. “We’ve talked about so many things I didn’t connect for a minute. Did you come up with any answers?”

  “No answers, but I remembered something.” She paused, startled to realize that he was right. They did talk about a lot of things. As friends did. “It was a sermon I heard a long time ago, when I was in training.” She deliberately looked away from him, not wanting to release too much information about her time in Toronto.

  “Oh, yeah?” Luc’s gaze was on Henry, making sure he was all right.

  “The pastor said that if you were unsure about God’s will for you and couldn’t get the answers you needed, the best thing was to prayerfully keep moving forward with your plans.” Holly squinted into the sun, trying to remember the exact words. “He said that if God wanted you to move in a different direction, He’d show you a new way.”

  “Makes sense.” Luc pulled the stem off a blade of grass and worried it between his teeth as he gazed up at the clouds that floated past. “So you think I should keep on with my plans to adopt Henry and if God doesn’t want that, He’ll make it so I can’t adopt?”

  Holly nodded, but in her heart a bubble of fear grew. Luc had so much invested in Henry. His heart primarily, but he’d also planned, worked and now reached out to host the boy. If the adoption didn’t go through, both he and Henry were going to be heartbroken.

  That was where she came in, Holly decided. As his friend, her job was to help, maybe even protect Luc as much as she could.

  “I had a phone call this morning,” Luc murmured. When he didn’t look directly at her, Holly frowned. “From Sarah.”

  She tamped down the immediate rush of anger. Luc wanted her friendship, not her judgment. For all she knew, he might still love her.

  Listen, Holly. That’s all he wants from you.

  “Oh,” she said, trying to sound noncommittal. “Is everything okay?”

  “Not really.” Luc threw away the stem he’d been chewing and sat upright. After congratulating Henry on a great stone throw he said, “She apologized for what she said. Apparently she’d had a big disappointment at work and says she took it out on me. She wants to come visit the ranch. She hinted about us maybe getting back together.”

  “Oh.” Holly gulped, filled with loathing at the idea of Luc being tied to what sounded to her like a selfish woman. But she was there as his sounding board, she reminded herself again. “Is that what you want?”

  “No.” He shook his head to emphasize his rejection. “I’m not leaving my ranch and I don’t want a part-time wife who lives miles away. I don’t want to get together on weekends and holidays. And where would kids fit in?”

  “It could work, Luc. You could make it work if you wanted it enough.” Please don’t want it.

  “Maybe, but I keep thinking about my buddies. If their marriages didn’t work when they were together, both working on it, how good a marriage could it be when the couple doesn’t share their everyday world?” He froze. “Hang on a second.”

  Holly watched him rise and jog over to Henry. He hunkered down beside the boy and said something that had Henry nodding agreement. Luc pulled a roll of candy out of his pocket, and Henry sat down on a big rock to enjoy his treat.

  “Sorry. I figured he was about to take off after that squirrel.” Luc sat back down. “Where was I?”

  “Compromise,” Holly told him.

  “I don’t want to compromise.” Luc held her gaze, his own dark and intense. “I realized as I was talking to her that I don’t want to sink everything I have into a relationship that I think is already doomed to failure. Ever since our breakup I’ve struggled to focus on not settling.”

  “So you told her no?” Holly fought to keep her voice even, striving for impartiality though inside she was cheering his decision.

  “Yes.” He frowned. “I don’t want to hurt Sarah. I just don’t love her anymore, if I ever did. And I’m beginning to doubt that. I think it’s a blessing we broke up. I’m not the guy she needs. I love ranching. I don’t want to do it part-time. And I do want to adopt Henry.”

  “Are you sure, Luc?” She wondered if he’d regret his decision later, especially if the adoption didn’t go through. “Maybe if you thought about it a little more—”

  “No. I’m certain.” Luc heaved a sigh. “I’ve realized a few things since we split up, things you’ve helped me see more clearly.”

  “Me?” Holly squeaked.

  “Yes, you, Holly Janzen.” He reached out and brushed the end of her nose with his finger. “You take a no-holds-barred approach to life. You press through the tough parts, like your dad’s passing and Ron’s departure, and you don’t settle. And then there’s your sewing thing.”

  “My sewing ‘thing’?” she repeated and wrinkled her nose at him.

  “I don’t know what else to call it.” Luc grinned when she rolled her eyes. “But anyway, I watch you keep pursuing that. You’re passionate about it and you don’t let things like lack of space or anything else stop you from doing what you love.”

  “There’s a difference between sewing and marriage,” she said, surprised and pleased by his comments.

  “Is there? The Bible says to press toward the mark of the high calling. It doesn’t say settle for compromise.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back. “Breaking up with Sarah really hurt, maybe more because she’s not the first one who’s rejected me because I live on a ranch and horses are my life.”

  That was news to Holly but she decided not to ask him about it, not right now anyway.

  “I don’t want to open myself up to that rejection again, Holly.” His voice emerged low with an ache underlying the words. “It’s like being gutted. All the things I love she hates. No matter how I compromise I won’t ever feel like I’m enough.”

  “Then you’re right to refuse her.” She saw Luc almost every day yet she hadn’t realized what he was going through. He’d been there for her so often. But when had she been there for him? Friendship was supposed to work two ways.

  “Is that the way you feel about Ron?” His quiet, hesitant voice made her look at him.

  “I expected too much of Ron,” she said softly. “I realize that now.”

  Silence fell between them as they watched Henry throw larger and larger stones into the water, laughing at the splash they made.

  “He’s wonderful,” Luc murmured. And Holly agreed.

  “I learned something new about adoptions,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t think her nosy.

  “Tell me.” Luc shifted slightly, alert as Henry moved near the horses, picking wildflowers.

  “An article I read said it makes a big impression on the powers that be when you know the child’s routine and have already made adjustments for it,” Holly told him. “Like knowing his favorite games—”

  “Checkers,” Luc shot back in a dry tone. “I don’t know where he learned to play, but he’s very good at it.”

  “Oh. Good,” she said, startled that Luc had already gained this information. “It also said that if you talk to his caregiver and find out what his normal routine is you will be better prepared to make adjustments.”

  “I spoke to Hilda while you were helping Henry pack to come here.” Luc held up his hand and began to tick off items on each finger. “I know he sometimes wakes calling for his brother and that he likes a snack before he goes to bed. His favorite color is blue. His favorite food is French fries and his best memory is of him and his brother biking in a park.”

  “Ah, that explains the blue bedroom.” Luc was miles ahead of her, Holly realized as she returned his smile. But she wanted to alert him to ev
erything she’d learned. “It also said you should have a financial plan in mind for his future.”

  “I set up what I call my adoption fund for that purpose,” Luc told her. “I’ve been putting a little extra in it since I met Henry because someday I’d like to invite his brother out here. Nothing’s carved in stone, I just thought that maybe when Finn gets out his being here might help Henry, though I’m not sure exactly when that will be.”

  “You’ve thought of everything.” She was in awe of his foresight.

  “The debacle with Sarah taught me to consider every angle.” He shifted uneasily and made a face. “You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. Abby gave me a document with a whole list of questions to answer. I’m supposed to have it done by Monday but I haven’t even started.”

  “Why not?” Holly could see how difficult the admission was for him. “Tell me,” she said quietly.

  “I’m scared to answer them. It feels like some kind of trap. If I answer wrong, I could lose Henry.” He looked at her, his brown eyes shadowed. “Adopting him means so much. I can’t lose him because I didn’t answer a question the right way.”

  “Oh, Luc.” She moved closer and laid her hand on his. “Have some faith. This little boy needs a home. You have a home. And you have a lot of friends in Buffalo Gap. One of them is Abby. She’s not going to trick you. She’s just doing her job so that when you get Henry, nobody will be able to undo that. And you’ve got God on your side, remember.”

  Luc studied her for a long time. When at last he spoke, Holly saw past the words to his sincerity and tried to keep from blushing.

  “How do you stay so positive, Holly? Don’t you ever get overwhelmed by everything?” He answered his own question with a shake of his head. “No, I guess you don’t. Even during your dad’s illness and after he died, I never saw you at a loss. You always seemed confident things would work out.”

  “I’m not always confident,” she said, half-annoyed that he saw her as some paragon of virtue. “But I don’t see the value in repeatedly voicing the direness of my situation. Maybe it’s my profession. Nurse practitioners are trained to deal with issues and move on.”

  “It’s not only that. It’s more that I see a confidence inside of you,” Luc said. “An assurance that God is in control and He’ll work things out.”

  “Isn’t that what the Bible promises?” she asked in exasperation. She was so tired of this perfect image. But if anyone knew how far from perfect she was, maybe they’d doubt her ability to do her job.

  “I need to emulate your faith,” he said.

  “No, you don’t,” she said in exasperation. “I’m not perfect, Luc. I get as down as anyone else, mess up as badly as anyone, have as many doubts as anyone else. But in the end, God is in control, even when it doesn’t seem like it. I try to remember that.”

  Suddenly Holly noticed that Henry had been watching them. She was pretty sure he’d overheard them because he was now walking toward them.

  “Are you an’ Luc fighting?” A frown marred Henry’s smooth forehead.

  “Nope, we’re not.” Luc smiled. “We’re discussing. That means we’re trying to find out what the other one thinks.”

  “Oh.” Henry considered that for a moment before nodding. “Maybe you need Ms. Hilda’s verse.”

  “Maybe we do.” Holly shot Luc a sideways look then smiled to encourage the boy. “What’s the verse, Henry?”

  “I’ll try to remember.” Henry scrunched up his face. “‘I leaned on You since I was borned…’ I forget the rest.” He sighed. “Ms. Hilda says it’s from a song in the Bible.”

  “A psalm?” Holly asked, hiding her smile.

  “Maybe.” Henry shrugged. “It means God’s been with you since you were a baby.”

  “It’s a great verse. It does help our discussion.” Luc’s face beamed as he lifted a hand and smoothed it across Henry’s brow. “Thank you very much.”

  “Welcome.” Henry leaned against Luc’s arm. “I’m hungry, Luc.”

  “Again?” Immediately Luc’s face dropped. “But we’ve eaten everything I brought for lunch. I didn’t realize— I should have known—” He stared at Henry, clearly blaming himself for not planning better.

  “I had a hunch all that swimming and riding might make you hungry,” Holly said. She grinned at Henry. “I’ve noticed that boys and men can eat a lot.”

  “That’s ’cause we have to be strong, right, Luc?” Henry proudly flexed a puny bicep.

  “Right.” Luc studied Holly with a calculating look. “What’s in your saddle pack? No, wait. I think I can guess. S’mores?” He gave a triumphant hoot when she nodded.

  “And lemonade,” she said.

  “You just can’t give up the chocolate, can you, Holly?” Luc’s gaze felt like the sun, warming, cherishing her.

  “Be glad about that,” she said with a teasing growl. “Or I might not share.”

  “What’s a s’more?” Henry asked.

  “Oh, my boy, you have a real treat coming if you’ve never had a s’more.” Luc jumped up, held out a hand to Holly and when she grasped his, tugged her upright. “You and I are going to build a fire in that pit over there,” he said to Henry. “And then Holly and I will introduce you to s’mores. You’ll love them.”

  Henry studied Luc’s every move, mirroring each action with one of his own. Slowly the two males built a tiny fire inside the metal rim of a tractor tire that Holly’s dad had brought here when she was a small girl.

  A pang shot through Holly’s heart as she watched the two heads nearly touching as they fed the fire. That bittersweet moment stung so much she had to turn away and busy herself spreading the snacks over the makeshift table she and her dad had fashioned out of a tree stump when she was just a bit older than Henry.

  She touched her fingers to the HJ carved into the corner of the top and suddenly the memories were too much. She tried to stop them, but in spite of her best efforts, a tear slipped down her cheek.

  “What’s wrong?” Luc murmured. She hadn’t even seen him move and yet he was suddenly in front of her, tipping up her chin so he could look into her eyes. Without saying a word he gathered her into his arms and held her close, whispering words of comfort.

  “He gave me such a wonderful childhood,” she said through her tears, soaking Luc’s shirt and not caring. “I never realized how hard he worked to be both mom and dad to me. I miss him so much.”

  “I know. But Marcus is in your heart and your soul.” Luc’s breath skittered across her skin, ruffling nerve endings that trembled at being so close to him. “Your dad will always be with you.”

  “Just like Jesus,” Henry said, standing just beyond them, his gaze intent as it rested on them. “He said He’ll always be with us, too.”

  “Yes, He did.” Luc pulled back and peered into Holly’s face. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

  “I’m fine. Just being a bit of a crybaby.” She dashed away her tears and smiled at Henry. “Thank you for reminding me, sweetheart.”

  “Can we make the s’mores now?” Henry asked. “’Cept I don’t know how.”

  “First Luc needs to make us some sticks to roast our marshmallows.” She found his gaze unnerving and quickly veered her focus back to her supplies on the table.

  Luc was her very good friend. But he’d never held her before. Not even after her father’s funeral. It felt like something in their relationship had changed, become more intimate. And that scared Holly.

  She watched as Luc showed Henry how to choose the perfect roasting stick from a nearby poplar tree. When Henry had selected his, Luc quickly whittled down the twig and began shaping the point with his pocket knife while Henry watched and, as usual, asked questions.

  It wasn’t that Holly hadn’t liked Luc’s arms holding her, lending support. She had. Maybe too much. But she couldn’t allow herself to dwell on how right it had felt. She couldn’t afford silly girlish dreams about a cowboy on his horse because this wasn’t a dream. Lu
c had told her time and again that he wasn’t getting involved. His focus was on Henry.

  So when the pair returned, she forced herself to smile as she slid the giant marshmallows onto their sticks and watched them roast the confections to a toasty brown. She had squares of chocolate on graham wafers ready and scooped up Henry’s marshmallow before he lost it to the fire. She managed a carefree laugh with Luc when the boy tasted his treat and his eyes grew huge before he quickly asked for a second. And when Luc insisted she accept his marshmallow for her own treat, Holly thanked him, just as she always had done.

  But deep inside the feeling that she’d soon be left out lingered like a blister. It wasn’t anything the others did. It was more seeing how Luc and Henry bonded over the snack and later fishing that made her feel like a third wheel.

  By the time the sun had sunk below the foothills, Henry drooped wearily. Holly just wanted to get home and mull over the day in private. That’s when Luc’s phone rang.

  “Hi, Mayor…You do?…Oh.” He paused, lifted his head and started at Holly. “Um, I guess I could though I don’t know anything about hosting that kind of thing.” Suddenly his eyes brightened. “Yeah, you’re right. I could ask Holly. Okay, I’ll do it. Bye.” By the time he’d pocketed his phone Luc was grinning.

  “You could ask Holly to do what?” A flicker of worry built inside her. She’d hate to say no to Luc, but she needed to put some distance between them to sort out her feelings.

  “The mayor says that each month someone involved with Family Ties hosts a potluck supper. Since I’m a volunteer and hopefully soon-to-be a parent, she suggested I hold the next potluck, probably next week.” Excitement shone in his brown eyes then dimmed. “But I don’t know anything about potlucks. Marsha said I should ask you for help.”

  “The potlucks are fun,” she said without thinking. Her mind raced with ideas. “I always thought a theme party would be fun. Maybe a birthday theme? That could be a lot of fun. You sure have enough yard space.”

  “How would I do it?” Luc gave her that beseeching look that she never could resist. “Help me, Holly.”