Meant-to-Be Baby Page 6

  “You’re very good with him,” Ben told her.

  “I love kids. I never realized how much I’ve missed working with them.” As if flustered by the admission, she began bustling around the kitchen as she made tea.

  Ben sat, content to enjoy this side of the usually cool and collected Victoria. Somehow, watching her in such a domestic setting softened that air of determination she used like a shield. Here, now, she looked like someone’s wife and a mother.

  Where had that come from?

  “Do Tillie and Margaret have candidates chosen as their first visitors to their ‘retreat’?” Ben asked, trying to steer his thoughts away from Victoria Archer.

  “I don’t know.” She turned from setting cereal treats on a plate to pin him with a mock-stern look. “I am not yet privy to the finer details. My job is to get things ready to go with flexibility for preteens.” She set the plate on the table with a thud.

  “Did your sister make these?” Ben asked after sampling one of the bars.

  “I did. I told you. I am not inept when it comes to cooking.” Her glare dared him to suggest otherwise.

  “No, you’re not. They’re delicious.” Ben quickly changed the subject. “Today you seem more, I don’t know, up about the idea of turning The Haven into a retreat. How come?”

  “At first it sounded ridiculous to me to even consider bringing kids way out here for some kind of mini-vacation,” Victoria admitted. She set the steaming brown teapot on the table and added two cups. “But having seen the amount of prep work Tillie and Margaret have done and the number of official approvals they’ve already obtained, who am I to naysay it? Obviously a lot of people consider their idea plausible.”

  “And your—situation?” Having checked that Mikey’s attention was still engaged with his train, Ben accepted his cup of tea before locking his gaze on her face, surprised by her softened expression. “Have you come to terms with that?”

  “Didn’t take much to adjust to my lifelong dream of motherhood.” Victoria cradled her steaming cup, her glowing face making Ben envy her joy. Then she frowned. “It’s just—I don’t want to be an embarrassment to the aunts. I’m afraid they’ll be disappointed in me.”

  “I doubt that could ever happen. They’re so proud of you.” He saw that didn’t assuage her fears. “Victoria, I think I know how your aunts see God, but I’m curious about your view of Him.”

  “My view?” She sipped her tea, gray eyes narrowed as she searched the distance for an answer. “I guess I picture God as my Father. Maybe because I never had one. He gives advice through the Bible, guides me when I pray and listen to His voice. Like that.” She shrugged, her expression sheepish. “I don’t know if I can conceptualize God in appropriate words.”

  “A father figure is a pretty clear picture.” Ben watched the fingers of one hand slip down and splay across her abdomen as she absently caressed it. She didn’t realize what she was doing but the action made him wish he could help her shed the guilt and find some inner peace. Then maybe Victoria could enjoy her pregnancy as much as Alice had enjoyed hers. “Do you think God, your Father, would condemn you for a mistake? Are you waiting for Him to punish you?”

  Her eyes widened before she slowly nodded.

  “Why?”

  “Because I deserve it.” Her head dipped so her chin rested on her chest. “I broke His rules.”

  “You don’t think the God of the universe, the Father who made you and understands everything about you, can forgive His own beloved daughter?” The pain that turned her gray eyes stormy reached out and squeezed his heart. “Or is it you who can’t forgive yourself?”

  “That’s part of it,” Victoria admitted, her voice whisper-soft.

  “I’m still new at being a Christian, but one thing Tillie repeatedly reminded me of in her letters was that God forgives. If we ask.”

  From the way Victoria shifted in her chair, Ben guessed she needed time to think that through, so he crunched on another cereal bar and gazed out the big window at the impressive view of snowcapped mountains while she invited Mikey to enjoy a treat—which he did but immediately went back to his train.

  “I’m blessed to have even a tiny part in the plans for this place,” Ben murmured, hardly aware he’d voiced his thoughts until she gaped at him.

  “You’re a peacekeeper, Ben.” Victoria’s tone echoed her confused expression. “You’ve been part of lots of wonderful missions, protecting people all around the world.”

  “But this feels personal. Like I’m really involved and not just following orders. Which is kind of dumb because I’m not really involved at all, but—” He hesitated before admitting, “I wish I was. I wish I could be here to see the kids when they arrive and when they leave. See how The Haven changes them. I’m a little envious that you’ll get to witness that.”

  “Whoa! We haven’t even got the program running yet,” she cautioned with a laugh.

  “You will,” Ben assured her.

  “You have that much confidence in us?”

  He shook his head, his attention fixed on the way the sunbeam through the window enhanced Victoria’s milky-pale skin and shiny dark hair. She was beautiful even when she frowned at him.

  “You don’t have confidence in us?” No mistaking that tart tone.

  “I do have confidence in you,” Ben clarified with a laugh. “But even more in God. With Him directing you, The Haven is going to be a smash hit.” He chuckled at her dubious expression. “Anyway, you wouldn’t accept anything else. Good enough isn’t in your vocabulary, Victoria.”

  “That’s true.” She studied him for several moments before asking, “How can you know me so well when you’ve only been at The Haven for a week and I know so little about you?”

  “Nothing to know. I’m boring.” That intense stare of hers made Ben rise and top up their teacups, though he knew she wasn’t going to let it go.

  “Boring doesn’t fit you at all, Blue Helmet.” Victoria chuckled at his surprise. “You think I didn’t know people nickname UN peacekeepers that because of their blue berets or helmets? I can read, Ben.”

  “Never doubted it for a moment.” He finished his tea, oddly pleased that she’d bothered to learn about his work. “Just didn’t think you were interested.”

  “I used to dream of visiting Africa as part of a missions group I sponsor. Sadly, I never managed to get there.” Victoria made a face at her remaining tea, glanced at the coffeepot longingly, but finally gave a small shake of her head that he knew meant she wasn’t ready to risk drinking it just yet. “Do you like being a peacekeeper, Ben?”

  “Some days it’s the best job in the world,” he said quietly.

  “And on the other days?”

  “I’d like to scream with frustration.” He smiled at her surprise. “Bambari in Central Africa was my last post. We were literally keeping the two sides apart, like a parent separating two squabbling children. The things people do to each other make me sick.” He stopped, unwilling to immerse Victoria in the ugliness of hate.

  “Yet you intend to go back to peacekeeping. Is that why you’re anxious to see plans for The Haven succeed? Because it represents hope?” Victoria’s astute comment made him realize she understood him better than she thought.

  “Maybe. After everything that’s happened—I could use a little hope.” Ben fell silent for a moment before shrugging off the grief to turn the focus back on her. “What’s your next big hurdle?”

  “Liability insurance, and then staffing. Which means firming up the activities we’ll offer to start with.” Victoria studied the notes in front of her a moment longer, then smacked them on the table. “I need to go for a walk. Wanna come along?”

  “Need to? Because you’ve only been out walking twice already today.” Ben swallowed his laughter as he put his mug in the dishwasher.

  “Guilty.” Victoria, face pink, turned away to hustle Mikey toward their coats. “I think best when I’m walking. Always have. Can you manage on your leg?”

/>   “Sure.” A week had made an amazing difference in his recovery, along with Victoria’s insistence that he obey Chokecherry Hollow’s doctor and not overdo things. Ben enjoyed her bossy overprotectiveness but relished the opportunity to test his ability to maneuver the uneven countryside. “I wish my rental car healed as easily as I do.”

  “Any word on that?” In her white parka, dark hair shining, Victoria looked like a snow princess, perfectly at home as they stepped into the winter wonderland outside. Mikey whooped with joy and raced ahead.

  “The insurance company still has me on hold.” Ben grimaced. “They won’t say when I can get the stuff I’d stored in the trunk, either.”

  “Stuff from Mikey’s home?” When he nodded, she frowned. “I’d ask Jake to pick it up, but I’m not sure where the wrecker towed the car.”

  “Doesn’t matter. They won’t let me touch it until, in their language, a complete assessment has been done. All they say is wait, so I’ll be dependent on you a while longer, I’m afraid.” He hated feeling dependent. A new thought occurred. “Mikey and I must be in the way with all the changes you and your aunts are trying to make at The Haven. Jake should take us into Jasper to stay somewhere else.”

  Victoria burst into laughter, dark hair flying in the breeze. His stomach tightened at her attractiveness.

  “Ben.” She sounded as if she was remonstrating with a silly child. “This is high season in the Rockies. Ski time. Why waste your money?”

  “But you’re busy here. Maybe we could find a place in Chokecherry Hollow.”

  “A bed-and-breakfast? Why? Don’t you feel welcome at The Haven?” she demanded, hands on hips.

  “You and your aunts have been more than gracious. It’s just—” Ben stopped, unable to say the rest, not when Victoria was staring at Mikey as if she wanted to scoop him into her arms and hold him like a mother bear protecting her cub. “I don’t want to impose.”

  “You’re not imposing. The aunts and I love having you and this guy.” She bent down and hugged Mikey, who used her proximity to wash her face with a handful of snow. “You monkey!” Any other woman would have bawled the kid out but, as if it were hilarious to have a wet face in the cold, Victoria grinned and warned him, “When I catch you…”

  Giggling, Mikey raced off, apparently unaware or uncaring that the dogs raced with him. Victoria paused and looked at Ben with the most beseeching gaze.

  “I love that kid. Please don’t take him away,” she begged softly. “Not yet. Mikey’s already lost so much. Let me spoil him, love him for a while longer.”

  “It will only make it harder for you both when he leaves,” he warned. Wrong thing to say.

  Victoria glared at him, lips pursed.

  “So, it will be hard. Lots of things are hard. One thing I learned growing up with the aunts is that sometimes it’s worth going through pain to experience life’s best offerings.” She got that dreamy look again, the one that told him she was thinking of her child so Ben said nothing to refute her comment.

  “The aunts are meeting with a couple today,” he murmured.

  Victoria frowned. After a moment, she blinked, called out to Mikey and raced across the snowdrifts toward him.

  Ben followed more slowly, mulling over her words, suddenly curious about the pain Victoria had suffered in the past and worried about what she would still face. Had she counted the cost of keeping her baby, the issues raising a child alone would bring?

  But as he watched her and Mikey make snow angels, Ben knew it wouldn’t matter. Victoria was the kind of woman who made up her mind to do something and then carried through. No matter what the cost to herself.

  Which was just one of the many things he so admired about her.

  As a friend, right?

  *

  Victoria couldn’t tear her gaze away from the little boy studiously bent over the table. She smothered a smile as Mikey’s chubby fingers contorted in a struggle to paste a lacy heart onto the poster paper they were turning into valentines.

  “Tara, Thea and Enid are my Little Sisters in Edmonton. They are going to love these valentines, Mikey. Thank you for helping me.”

  “Welcome.” He stopped for a moment and lifted his head, dark eyes thoughtful. Clearly something was on his mind when he waited a long time before saying, “I maked Mommy special cards. I writed my name all by myself. Mommy liked that.” He swallowed hard and bent his head. A single tear splashed onto his work. “No more cards,” he whispered.

  “Oh, yes, Mikey.” Victoria rushed to correct him, desperate to help his little heart heal. “There will be lots of cards. We have to make a valentine for Uncle Ben, for sure, but not when he’s around,” she added in a whisper. She peeked over one shoulder, saw Ben standing in the doorway and pressed her finger against her lips in a shushing motion.

  Mikey’s dark eyes danced. He grinned as if she’d given him the best gift.

  “What are you two whispering about?” Ben asked.

  “It’s a see-crud, Unca Ben. You can’t hear.”

  Delighted to see the misery had vanished from Mikey’s face, Victoria smiled at Ben as he poured a cup of coffee before sitting down beside her.

  “How did the aunties’ meeting go?” she asked.

  “The couple is totally unsuitable.” He complimented Mikey on his work then leaned back to drink his coffee.

  “I’m sorry.” Victoria felt compelled to say, but the truth was that she wasn’t sorry. She was actually relieved that Ben struggled to find Mikey prospective parents, because some part of her kept hoping he’d realize he needed to parent his nephew himself.

  “They’ll find someone. They have to.” The last was uttered almost desperately. He shook off his problems to ask, “Who are these for? Your sisters?”

  “These are for my ‘Little Sisters’ in Edmonton.” She glued as eagerly as Mikey.

  “That must have been a huge time obligation, especially to young girls.” Ben frowned at her. “You said you traveled a lot. How did you manage it?”

  “You have to commit two to four hours per week, per girl,” she agreed. “At first, it was a struggle. Three are actually true sisters, though they’re in three different foster homes. The organization agreed that we could do things as a group so we got together at least once a week to have fun. But I also spent one-on-one time with each of them.”

  “Now you’re here.” Ben studied her, a frown wrinkling his tanned forehead. “How’s that going to work?”

  “I don’t know. It’s one of the things that makes staying at The Haven so difficult.” One of the things. Her hand touched her stomach fleetingly.

  “You still haven’t told your aunts.” It wasn’t a question. Ben wore a troubled look. “Victoria, you’re not giving them a chance—”

  “Don’t,” she begged quietly. When it seemed he’d argue she turned her attention to Mikey. “Very nice,” she encouraged, hugging his tiny body close for a second before he wiggled away.

  “C’n I ski?” he asked suddenly.

  “Ski?” Victoria glanced at Ben, who looked as surprised as she was. “Why?”

  “’Cause a boy in church tole me he skis with other kids an’ he ’vited me.” Mikey looked unsure for a moment, but then his chin thrust out. “Maybe he could be my friend?” he said wistfully.

  “What a good idea. A smart boy like you can soon learn to ski.” Belatedly Victoria looked to Ben for his approval and found him studying her with an intensity that made her uncomfortable. “Don’t you think?”

  “Uh, yeah. Skiing. Sure.” Ben’s gaze held hers for a second, slipped to her midriff then settled on Mikey. “We could do that, I guess.”

  Mikey jumped up and ran around the room cheering. Victoria stayed put, staring at her hands, unsettled by the expression she’d seen on Ben’s face and her inner response to it.

  He was a great guy. She liked him a lot. But there could be nothing between them but friendship. She was going to be a mom.

  Time was ticking. Soon Ben woul
d leave.

  Chapter Five

  “Good, Mikey. You’re doing great.” Ben’s breath caught in a rush of fondness as the boy grinned at him before resuming his concentration. If only…

  For the third afternoon in a row, he and Victoria had taken Mikey to an area on The Haven’s property with small undulating hills. Jake had groomed it so they could teach Ben’s nephew the basics of negotiating on the ancient cross-country skis Tillie and Margaret had unearthed. Turned out, Mikey was a natural.

  “Don’t fall. Don’t fall,” Victoria said under her breath as she stood by Ben, watching Mikey maneuver the course they’d set.

  “You’ve got it, son.” Ben did a fist pump when Mikey reached the bottom of a little hill in the upright position. “Woohoo! Way to go.”

  “You called him son,” Victoria murmured pointedly. “You’re very good with him.” Why did she sound surprised?

  “So are you.” Like a mother. Ben shoved away the rush of appreciation. Just friends, remember? “Why wouldn’t kids who visit The Haven enjoy this?” He loved the way her eyes lit up with anticipation. “Surely it wouldn’t cost much to groom trails and I doubt there are any big insurance risks for cross-country skiing. You fall into soft snow.”

  “Plus, cross-country skiing is fairly low-cost and can be done almost anywhere. I also like that they’ll learn a lifelong skill.” Victoria’s grin made her exhilaration obvious. A warm flush spread through Ben. He finally felt like he was contributing something to repay Tillie and Margaret’s efforts to find Mikey new parents, and Victoria for the love she generously showered over the boy.

  “I’ll add skiing to the activity list.” She smirked. “After I check with Jake. I’m not sure how he’ll feel about having trail-grooming added to his list of duties. Not that he ever complains.”

  “Pretty sure Jake’s one of the good guys.” Ben glanced toward the small stone caretaker’s cottage almost hidden in a grove of spruce trees. “What’s his story, anyway?”

  “I don’t know.” Victoria shrugged. “The aunties probably do but they’ve never shared. All I know is that Jake showed up at The Haven one day, sick and half-frozen. They took him in, helped him heal, offered him a job and he’s been here ever since.”