Her Christmas Family Wish Read online

  But Cade had woken and was not to be silenced. After several moments, Wyatt eased away.

  “Thank you for coming with me,” he said. He reached out and lifted one wiry curl away from her amazing eyes. “Thank you for everything, Ellie.”

  She stepped back, a troubled look filling her face.

  “You’re making this sound like goodbye,” she whispered.

  He smiled, squeezed her hand, then climbed back into his truck and drove away, glancing in his mirror just once to see her standing where he’d left her, staring after him.

  Wyatt forced his gaze back on the road. As he drove home, his mind teemed with imaginings of leaving Cade alone as his mother left him, or worse, leaving Ellie to manage two children on her own.

  No, he couldn’t indulge his yearning to love Ellie and be loved by her. Doing so could ruin her life. It was better for him to make preparations for Cade. Tomorrow he’d ask Tanner and Sophie if they’d be his son’s godparents.

  Wyatt fed Cade but had no appetite for his own meal. He tucked his son into bed, loving the way his chubby arms reached out for a hug and a kiss. How could his mother have given this up? How much love she’d had to walk away in an effort to protect him. And his father, too? Would Wyatt be able to do the same if the time came?

  Wyatt returned to his living room and sat staring at the Christmas tree until Albert arrived on the church’s youth group bus.

  “Was it a good Christmas party?” he asked.

  “The best.”

  “That’s good.” He wouldn’t be able to adopt Albert now, not with the future so uncertain. But he’d wait until after Christmas to tell him that. Albert deserved a happy, peaceful Christmas.

  “You seem down.” Albert studied him. “I guess you don’t want to work on Ellie’s bowl tonight, do you?”

  “No, this is a good time, if I can get my neighbor to babysit.” Wyatt pushed away his dark thoughts and picked up the phone.

  The older woman readily agreed and arrived less than five minutes later.

  He and Albert went out to the shed where Albert chose a piece of cherry wood from the stack Wyatt had left to dry shortly after he and Taryn had bought the ranch.

  “That’ll make a great bowl,” he said and began showing Albert how to use the tools to create his gift for Ellie.

  When they’d done all they could for the night, they returned to the house. The sitter left, and Albert went to bed. But Wyatt sat long into the night alternately praying for help and trying to make sense of the incomprehensible.

  What if, even now, the genesis of this awful disease was growing inside his head, threatening to cloud his mind?

  There was only one thing to do. He’d have to break off his connections with Ellie. It wasn’t fair to let her keep thinking there could be something between them. Even the thought of not seeing her face every day, not hearing her laugh or working with her at Wranglers tore at him.

  He loved her so much.

  *

  “Only two days until Christmas, shoppers.” Gracie’s shrill voice parodied the advertisement on the car radio in such a lackluster tone that Ellie’s heart hurt.

  “You don’t seem very eager for Christmas to get here, honey.” She glanced in the mirror and saw Gracie’s frown. “Aren’t you looking forward to Melissa’s Christmas party this morning, or to giving out your cookie gifts this afternoon?”

  “I guess.” Gracie heaved a sigh that told the truth.

  “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “It’s Wyatt.”

  Ellie was surprised at hearing her daughter actually call the rancher by name. What happened to Daddy?

  “He’s not the same anymore.” Gracie frowned. “Yesterday he hardly said anything when I was ridin’ the horse for the girl who’s coming today. He looks sad.”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie.” Ellie did not want to talk about Wyatt, not after the way he’d been shutting her out every time she came near him. She’d tried everything, but it was like talking to a wall. Wyatt couldn’t hear her. He was shut down by fear.

  “He doesn’t look at you like he did, neither,” Gracie mumbled.

  “How did he look at me before?” Ellie asked eagerly. She’d told herself she’d only imagined him saying that he loved her because she’d wanted it to be true for so long.

  “Before when he looked at you, he’d smile, like he was happy inside ’bout sumthin’.” Gracie exhaled heavily. “Now I think he hurts.”

  Join the club.

  But Ellie didn’t say that. She’d prayed constantly for guidance, for words that could melt the ice of fear in him and free the heart she knew was aching. She’d also struggled to find the right words to explain his absence from their world to Gracie. But she couldn’t find them.

  “Have fun at the party, honey,” she said as she pulled up in front of Melissa’s. “They’ll bring you back to Wranglers Ranch when it’s over because I have to be there for the Make-a-Wish kids. Okay?”

  “Yeah.” Gracie unsnapped her seat belt but paused before she opened the door. “Mommy?”

  “Yes, sweetie?” Ellie knew this was something important because Gracie hesitated so long before she spoke.

  “God isn’t going to give me a daddy, is He?” Her eyes were shiny, and she dashed a fist against them as if to stop the flow of tears. “I thought if I prayed really hard and tried to do good things that He would answer my prayer, but He isn’t gonna.”

  So that’s what was behind all the cookie gifts, Ellie realized. Gracie’s sad face deepened her heartache. She got out of the car, opened Gracie’s door and enfolded her child in her arms.

  “Nobody can know God’s plans, sweetie.” She inhaled the essence of this precious child. “We have to trust He’ll work things out even if it’s not the way we want.”

  “I know.” Gracie kissed her cheek, sighed, then wiggled free. “I’ll keep prayin’, I guess.”

  “Yes. And, Gracie?” Ellie straightened her ponytail, then cupped her face in her hands. “I want you to remember that you do have a Father, God, and He loves you very much.” Ellie hugged her once more. “Now throw away your sad face and have a good time with Melissa. Remember, it’s Christmas.”

  “In two days, shoppers.” Gracie giggled when her mother rolled her eyes, then dashed up the walk calling, “Bye, Mommy.”

  Ellie drove to Wranglers with her mind made up. She had to try once more to make Wyatt see sense. However, when she found him in the tack room with Tanner, she soon realized something had changed.

  “Good morning,” she greeted them both. “Big day today.” Then she faced Wyatt. “When you have a minute, I’d like to talk to you.”

  “You can talk here if you like,” Tanner said. He held out a hand to Wyatt. “I’ll be sorry to see you go. I’ve appreciated your work with us. Thanks for staying today. God bless you.” He walked away, leaving them alone.

  “What does Tanner mean? Where are you going?” Icy fingers clutched at her heart.

  “I gave him my notice. Today’s my last day.”

  “Why?” She touched his sleeve while inside she begged God to change his mind. “I love you, Wyatt. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

  “It means everything.” He eased away, his voice ragged. “I love you, too. But I won’t saddle you with a future like I may have.”

  “You don’t know—”

  “I can’t risk it, Ellie, not knowing I could end up in the same place as my mother. You’d have two kids to take care of alone.” He shook his head, his voice sounding tortured as he continued. “I’ll finish out today at Wranglers, but then I’m gone from here. I have to—”

  “What?” she demanded angrily. “Prepare for a future where you lose your mind?” It hurt to see his pain. “Where’s your faith, Wyatt? Where’s your trust in God, your real Father?”

  “I’m sorry.” He touched her lips briefly with his, then walked away.

  Heartbroken, Ellie stared after him for a long time, fighting back tears. Then she
went to her office to prepare for their guests. In the ensuing hours she devoted herself to the sick children that visited the ranch, doing her utmost to make their time at Wranglers a dream come true. But each time she glimpsed Wyatt, each time his turbulent gaze met hers, each time her heart cried out for him, she sent a prayer for help heavenward.

  That evening, after work, she treated Gracie to a meal out before they went to the church for the choir’s Christmas cantata. In the darkened sanctuary, while her daughter announced the good news to shepherds in the fields, Ellie saw Wyatt with Cade and Albert in the back pew. She silently wept but made no attempt to speak to him.

  This time she would wait for God to work things out. At least she’d learned that much.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Christmas Eve.

  “We need to go shopping, guys,” Wyatt told Cade and Albert.

  “Good, because thanks to the allowance you gave me I can buy a gift for Gracie.” Albert grinned and wiped Cade’s face. “And this guy.”

  Gifts? Wyatt almost groaned, realizing he had nothing to put under the tree for either Albert or Cade. And what in the world could he possibly give to Gracie and her mom?

  “I was thinking of groceries,” he said. “Can’t have Christmas without groceries.” Or Ellie. “But we can hit the mall, too. I was also wondering if you’d mind watching Cade later while I visit my mother?”

  “Sure.” Albert asked in a much quieter voice, “Can we stop by Ellie’s, too?”

  “Of course.” So after some grocery shopping and a mall stop, Wyatt pulled into the parking lot at Eventide. His mother seemed to recognize him, and after accepting a bouquet of flowers, she began a rambling series of memories revolving around his first Christmas. When she finished, Wyatt seized his opportunity.

  “I brought you a Christmas gift, Mom,” he said, using the word for the first time.

  He pulled out the small tattered box that held a locket he’d purchased many years ago when he’d still believed his mom would someday come home. He handed it to her, feeling a bittersweet delight when she enthused over the gift. Inside he’d placed two pictures, one of him as a child and one of Cade.

  After staring at those pictures for several moments, Ruth suddenly changed. She fidgeted and grew increasingly agitated as she muttered about having to leave. The attendant arrived, and Wyatt knew that was his cue to go. So he kissed her cheek, wished her a Merry Christmas, then collected Albert and Cade from the gathering room, realizing that he’d just spent the first Christmas he could remember with his mom.

  Back in his truck, he closed his eyes while Albert buckled in Cade, praying for—what, he didn’t know. Help, perhaps, to deal with his uncertain future.

  “When will we go to Ellie’s?” Albert asked after a long silence.

  “I think she’ll still be at work. Let’s go home and give your bowl one last oiling before you give it to her.” He couldn’t see her yet, not like this, not while his emotions were so ragged.

  But back at home, time didn’t help, because everywhere Wyatt looked he saw Ellie’s hand. The huge box of baking that now sat inside his porch could only be from her. The decorations that made his home look so festive. The tree she’d helped him decorate when he realized he was trying too hard to be his father’s son. Even the bowl Albert carefully wrapped showed Ellie was tied into his life with bonds not easily broken.

  Wyatt desperately wanted to run to her, to let her love him, to love her back. But one thing stopped him. Fear of the future. He could not, would not, saddle her with the responsibility of raising Cade, Gracie and maybe even Albert, alone. That was one promise he intended to keep, no matter how much it hurt.

  “Wyatt?” Albert stood before him with two glasses of milk and a plate of Ellie’s gingerbread cookies. “Cade’s napping, so I thought—I wondered—did you always have happy Christmases like this?”

  Happy?

  “Not always.” But Albert pressed, and finally Wyatt began recounting details. Somehow the pain from his past came pouring out.

  When he eventually stopped, Albert remained silent for a long time, then said, “I think your father was hard on you because he was trying to protect you.”

  Taken aback, Wyatt frowned. “Why do you think that?”

  “Isn’t that what fathers do, what parents do, what everyone does? They protect the special people in their lives as best they can. Because they love them. That’s what Gran did for me.” Albert munched on another cookie before he continued. “That’s what God as our Father does for us. That’s what Ellie does. Even Gracie’s trying to protect her mom by searching for a daddy who will love them.”

  Surprised by the depths of Albert’s thinking, Wyatt could only listen.

  “Learning about your mom made you realize how alone you are.” Albert nodded sagely. “It was like that for me when Gran got sick. I knew she was going to die and that then I’d be all alone. I was so scared.”

  He marveled at Albert’s wisdom, the poise he showed in his words, and was reminded of a verse he’d read. A child shall lead them.

  “What did you do?”

  Albert gulped his milk before he replied. “I remembered what she’d taught me, that God is always there, always protecting me, no matter what happens. When my uncle got mean I remembered a verse she’d taught me when I was little. I must have said ‘I will not fear’ a thousand times while I waited for God to protect me.” Albert grinned, his milk mustache comical. “And here I am.”

  “It’s not quite—”

  “The same?” Albert finished. “Sure it is. Because that’s what you’re doing for Ellie and Gracie by pushing them away. You’re trying to protect them. That’s what love does. And you love them. Don’t you?”

  Those words gave Wyatt a glimpse of his future—sad and empty without Ellie and Gracie, brimming with joy with them in it.

  Albert put down his milk. “I think you’re protecting them the wrong way,” he said.

  “You do?” Intrigued, Wyatt looked up at the boy.

  “Uh-huh.” Albert studied him. “See, Christmas is all about love and giving. That’s what God showed us when He gave the gift of His son at Christmas.” He finished his cookie. “I think God was saying that with His love we can deal with anything.”

  Though Wyatt detested milk, he realized he’d drunk the entire glass as he mulled over Albert’s words.

  With God’s love we can deal with anything.

  Even schizophrenia?

  That meant he’d have to trust God with the unknown. Trust God to help him share whatever future he could forge with Ellie and Gracie. But what was the alternative? Go it alone and miss out on really living, really loving? Throw away everything he wanted in his world?

  Become like his father?

  No.

  It took every ounce of faith Wyatt could dredge up to make the decision.

  Okay, God. I’m trusting You.

  Overwhelming relief told him he’d made the right choice.

  “Albert, I need to go shopping,” he said as he jumped to his feet.

  “Again?” Albert groaned, then rose. “Okay. But after that, can we go to Ellie’s?”

  “Absolutely.” Wyatt’s heart thrummed with anticipation as he drove to the mall. He left Albert pushing Cade in his stroller while he went inside a store and found two gifts that exactly met his needs.

  Then they drove to Ellie’s. He’d been so stupid to push her away. Ellie had said she loved him. After his colossal mistake, would she still?

  “We’ll stay in the car so you can have some privacy.” Albert grinned. “Not that you’ll get much with Gracie there.”

  Wyatt thanked him and walked to the door. Pushing out a ragged breath, he knocked.

  He was prepared to plead his case with Ellie. He was not prepared for a little girl clad in a pair of red jeans and a white T-shirt wearing a green felt elf’s hat that flopped over one eye to open the door.

  “Hi, Gracie. Is your mommy here?” Boy, had he missed this kid.r />
  “She’s in the shower. Why? Are you gonna make her cry again?” Gracie glared at him.

  “No, I, uh—” Wyatt had to do something fast to change this situation, or nothing would go as he wanted. “Actually I was hoping I could talk to you first.”

  “Why?” she demanded.

  He knelt on one knee, right there at the door, and looked straight at her. “Because I was wondering…if your mom agrees to marry me, could I be your daddy?”

  Gracie shoved back the hat, her blue eyes wide. She gaped at him then breathed, “Really?”

  “Absolutely. If your mom agrees. Because I love her, and I want to marry her. That means I’d be marrying you, too.” He took a breath. “But I make an awful lot of mistakes, and sometimes I break my promises and—”

  “That’s okay.” She grinned. “Me an’ Cade an’ Albert will help you get better ’cause we love you.”

  “I love you, too, Gracie. So will you marry me?” he asked formally.

  “Sure.” She nodded, her happy smile stretching across her face.

  “Thank you. I’m going to make you one promise that I’ll never break. I’ll always love you, Gracie. As long as I live.” Wyatt lifted her hand, pressed a kiss in her palm, then slid a tiny ring with a topaz stone on to her finger. “This is to remind us of my promise to love you always.”

  “Wow.” Gracie lifted her hand to stare at her ring. “Are we ’gaged?” she whispered.

  Wyatt nodded and kissed her forehead. “We certainly are.”

  “Gracie?” Ellie’s voice echoed from inside the house.

  Wyatt put his finger to his lips. “But you have to keep it a secret until I ask your mom. Okay? Can you do it?” he begged.

  “Sure.” Gracie turned and yelled, “Mommy, Da—somebody’s here to see you.” She winked at him. “’Cause I can’t call you Daddy yet,” she whispered.

  “Gracie Grant, you know very well you are not to open the door—Oh.” Ellie appeared, her hair a mass of damp curls. She wore an outfit matching Gracie’s, except her hat bore a white fur band. “Hello,” she said in her coolest voice.