Rancher Daddy (Family Ties Book 2) Read online

  “Are you sure, Holly?” Luc sat with a glass of iced tea, his gaze intense.

  “I’m sure,” she whispered. Sitting on the floor in front of the trunk, she crossed her legs, inhaled a breath of courage and leaned forward. Tenderly, she caressed the battered wooden box her father had loved. Then with a swift move she removed the lock, lifted the lid and whispered, “Okay, Dad. What is it you wanted me to find?”

  A moment later she was crying.

  “Holly—” Luc’s hoarse whisper drew her attention. She smiled at him though tears blocked her vision.

  “It’s okay.” Carefully Holly lifted a tiny white infant’s dress for Luc to see. “It’s mine. Can you imagine he kept it?”

  “You were the most precious thing in his life, Holly.” Luc came to sit on the floor beside her. As she turned the dress a small blue velvet bag slid out, which he caught. “Look.”

  Luc upturned the bag. A baby’s fragile necklace with a filigree pendant tumbled into his hand. On the back was inscribed Daughter with Holly’s birth date. Tears burned her throat but Holly swallowed them. There was so much left in the trunk. She couldn’t break down now.

  “Pictures,” she said, pulling out albums she’d never seen before. “I’ve seen some but—” Her words died at the sight of a woman by her father’s side. Her mother. “I must have been about three when they took this. They look happy.”

  Holly took a sip of her tea and pressed on. Once she’d finished looking at the pictures that followed her all the way through high school, she pulled out the next album. This one featured pictures of every trophy, every award, every achievement she’d ever attained. She had to laugh.

  “What’s funny?” Luc asked.

  “I don’t think many of these are worthy of preservation.” She chuckled at the photo of herself sitting in a cow paddy, a calf clasped in her young arms.

  “I’ve never seen you look better,” Luc teased.

  Holly scowled at him before setting the album aside. Next was a copy of the local newspaper. Holly Janzen wins Buffalo Gap’s first full scholarship. Her chest felt like it was caving in. Oh, Dad.

  She set that aside with pictures from her high school graduation. Not much more to go through now, she told herself. Nothing to fear.

  “Want to take a break?” Luc asked. When she shook her head, he refilled her tea and waited till she’d taken a sip. “It’s not as bad as you thought, is it?”

  But a second later it became infinitely worse.

  “Toronto Medical College,” Luc read from the pamphlet in her hand. “That’s your alma mater.”

  “Yes.” Why did her dad have it?

  Holly removed a stack of pictures including one of the apartment building where she’d stayed. But her father had never been there. Confused, Holly picked up a brown notebook from the bottom of the box and stared at it. She couldn’t read it. Not with Luc here. She was too afraid of what it said. She set it on the floor.

  “Holly? What’s wrong?” He reached out a hand. Thinking he’d take the book and begin reading, Holly grabbed one corner. A dozen pictures flew across the floor.

  Horrified, Holly’s gaze slid over them. Guilt covered her in a blanket so thick she almost smothered. But she couldn’t stop staring at one tiny beloved face and wondering how her father came to have it.

  Luc picked up that picture and studied it for several moments before he frowned at her. “This baby—whose is it, Holly?”

  “Mine.” She cleared her throat then released the festering secret. “I met a man, Troy, at the church’s singles group. I fell in love with him.”

  “You don’t need to tell me, Holly.” Luc’s arm drew her against his side, his warmth chasing away the chill that crept toward her heart.

  “I have to.” She clung to the image of her child. “Please, Luc. Can you listen? I’ve needed to say this for so long.”

  “Go ahead.” Luc tipped up her chin to look into her eyes, his own dark and filled with something soft and wondrous. “I’ll listen to whatever you want to tell me. I’m your friend, Holly. I won’t judge you.”

  He would when he heard the whole story. Nevertheless, Holly spoke.

  “Troy proposed, said we’d get married after he finished medical school, when he could make enough to buy us a home. I didn’t tell Dad. It was so new and—” Holly hung her head as shame suffused her. “I was so gullible. We were getting married. What did it matter if we didn’t wait?” She prepared for Luc’s condemnation.

  “I see.” That quiet acceptance meant a great deal to Holly but it didn’t expunge her guilt.

  “I dumped everything I’d believed in for my entire life to be with this man.” She dashed away her tears angrily. “How could I have done that for someone so unworthy?”

  “You made a mistake.” Luc drew her closer, as if to protect her from herself.

  “I sure did. The day I told him I was pregnant, Troy walked out, but only after telling me he thought someone in my profession would have more brains than to get pregnant. I couldn’t believe it.” She relived her confusion and horror. “A baby, a beautiful blessed baby—and he didn’t want it. Or me. He wanted me to have an abortion.”

  Luc muttered something nasty then. “He was a fool.”

  “No, I was.” Holly caught her breath and poured out the rest. “I knew I couldn’t come home or tell Dad.”

  “But why?” Luc asked, clearly puzzled. “Marcus would have—”

  “Been so disappointed in me,” she finished wearily. “I was supposed to be an example to kids here that you could have your dreams. I’d received a big scholarship from the town. Everyone knew where I was going and why. They expected me to finish my training and come back, work here, help someone else achieve their dream.”

  “Holly the local hero.” Luc’s lips pursed.

  “Yes. I couldn’t come back with a baby in tow. Besides—” Holly hung her head, unable to say the words.

  “They would have known you’d betrayed your Christian principles?” Luc asked.

  “Yes.” Too ashamed to look at him, she kept her head down. “And that would have reflected badly on Dad as well as me.”

  “Was your father your primary concern?” Luc’s voice held such gentleness.

  “Back then I told myself it was, but when I looked back on it, I was protecting myself, too,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to be the local bad girl. I didn’t want anyone gossiping about me or saying nasty things to Dad about me.”

  “That’s natural.” Luc’s lips rested on her hair for a moment. “So how did you manage?”

  “I finished school during my pregnancy. In the summer I told Dad I had to pick up a special course I’d missed, that I’d be home by August.” Her heart ached for the lies, half truths, for the phony life she’d led. “I had my baby and I took great pains to make sure he had good solid Christian parents. Then I came home.”

  “You never told anyone except Ron,” he guessed, watching her face. “That was, what—five years later?”

  “Yes, about that.” Shame weighed her down. “He said he could never be with someone like me who lived a lie. He said I should come clean with the people who believed in me.”

  “As if that would help anyone.” Luc snorted his disgust. “As if he’d have stuck around when the gossip started.”

  “Ron was right. I should have told them all. It would have been infinitely easier than keeping my secret to myself.” Holly gazed down at the tiny innocent face in the picture she held. “But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand to see Dad’s disappointment. He would have been so ashamed of me.”

  “Marcus Janzen would never have been ashamed of you.” Luc shook his head when Holly twisted to stare at him. His arm tightened around her. His voice was strong when he said, “I think you should read that notebook, Holly. Read it now and learn exactly what your father thought of you.”

  Holly held her breath, half afraid to know what it said yet needing love so badly.

  “Finally, at last, find
the truth, Holly,” Luc said.

  Nodding, she lifted the notebook and began to read. The entire time Luc sat beside her, holding her, encouraging her without words. When she’d gone about a third of the way through the book, she closed it and let the tears stream down her face.

  “He came to see me,” Holly told him. “He says he was lonely and worried something was wrong.”

  “That was Marcus.” A smile hid in Luc’s words.

  “He stopped by my apartment and heard that I was in hospital.” Holly squeezed her eyes closed. “Someone told me I’d had a visitor,” she remembered. “I thought it was Troy, that he wanted our baby. But he’d already left town.”

  “And your dad?” Luc pressed.

  Holly read a little more, groaned and shook her head. “Dad saw his grandchild at the hospital. He said he felt it was my decision and he didn’t want to interfere. He was able to give his blessing before the baby was given to his adopted parents. He thanks God for that.”

  “Marcus saw his grandson, Holly.” Luc sounded as shocked as she felt.

  “Yes, a perfect little boy whom I could have loved, cared for and taught Dad’s values.” She closed her eyes as the impact of his words sank deep. “With Dad’s support I now know I could have weathered anything Buffalo Gap shot at me, but I gave away that chance. That’s why God can’t forgive me.”

  “What?” Luc’s fingers tightened on her arm. “Holly, God forgave you long ago.”

  “How could anyone forgive that?” she asked bitterly.

  “Your dad did and so has God. I’m sure if you read further, Marcus never blamed you for your mistake or your decision,” Luc insisted. “God has infinitely more compassion to forgive than even your loving earthly father.”

  “You don’t understand.” Guilt threatened to crush Holly. Not only had she cheated herself of mothering her child, she’d cheated her father. Her sweet, loving father who’d never said a word about what he’d learned. He’d simply gone on loving her.

  “Listen to me.” Luc forced her to look at him. “I’m going to adopt Henry, right?”

  “Yes.” Holly felt confused by his words. “What does that—”

  “Let me finish.” He cupped her face in his hands, his breath whispering across her face as he spoke. “We both know that sometime in the future, without meaning to, I’m going to make a mistake in raising Henry.”

  “I think you’ll be an awesome father,” she said.

  “Thank you, darling friend.” He pressed a kiss to the end of her nose. “But I’m human. I’ll mess up. Do you think God will be able to forgive me for it?”

  Holly blinked. “Of course.”

  “Anything?” Luc pressed. “Will He forgive me anything?”

  She thought about it then nodded. “Yes.”

  “The Bible says He remembers our sins no more. So, my dear Holly, God can forgive me for my mistakes but He can’t forgive you for giving away your baby?” Luc shook his head, his eyes tender as his thumbs brushed away her tears. “How big is your God, Holly?”

  She’d never thought of it like that. After a moment, Luc released her and shifted to crouch beside her.

  “Think about God, Holly. Think on His wonder and His love. God sent His son to die for your sins. All of your sins.” Luc stared into her eyes for a long time.

  Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in the sweetest kiss she’d ever received.

  “I think you need to read the rest of your father’s notebook by yourself. Good night, sweet Holly.”

  She caught his hand just before he left.

  “Thank you.” She gathered her courage, feeling her way to the words she wanted, needed to say to him. “You’ve always been there for me just when I need you most. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I love you, Luc.”

  Luc’s dark eyes flared wide. It took him a moment to regroup. He touched her cheek with the tip of one finger and opened his lips as if to respond. Instead, he simply smiled and walked away.

  Holly sat far into the night, cradling her father’s notebook, reading slowly and reliving the past. Then she bowed her head.

  “I told Luc I loved him and he walked away, Daddy.” Hot bitter tears burned her cheeks. “How can I ever be enough for him to truly love?”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I love you, Luc.

  Those words had swirled through Luc’s brain for days and he still didn’t know what to do about them. With Henry away at camp he’d had plenty of time to think about Holly’s proclamation and his own response. But thinking didn’t help.

  “It isn’t that I don’t love Holly,” he spoke aloud as he herded the cattle toward fresh pasture. “I do. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

  Why did he love her? He’d come up with a thousand reasons, but the reason that stuck with Luc most was Holly’s gritty determination to protect her father from shame. He loved her for caring so deeply for the man who’d loved her.

  “It also makes everything much harder,” he told a stubborn steer who wouldn’t follow the herd. The steer tilted his head sideways as if he didn’t quite understand.

  “Don’t you get it?” He nudged his horse against the wayward animal. “Something from her past or anything else could come between us. What if she found the baby—it could happen, and then what?”

  The very thought of loving Holly and then losing her because of something he hadn’t foreseen sent shudders down Luc’s back.

  “I love her so much. I’d give her every bit of love I have to give,” he whispered. “But if it wasn’t enough, if something happened, I’d never be whole again.”

  It sounded silly and overly dramatic but experiencing love with Holly only to later lose it would be his mortal wound.

  That would be unbearable.

  Satisfied that the herd was now safely ensconced in a new feeding area, Luc rode home. He prayed for courage to accept this love and leave the future to God, but his fear drowned out his prayers. Did that mean God intended for him to concentrate on his goal of building his ranch? Was that God’s will?

  Luc had barely unsaddled his horse when a noise alerted him to someone else’s presence. Holly stood by the barn door still clad in her work scrubs, her face pale but brimming with determination.

  “Do you have time to talk?” she asked in a quiet voice.

  “Sure. Come on in, I’ll make coffee.” Luc modulated his too-jovial tone. “How are you, Holly?”

  “Confused.” Instead of going into his house, she sat down on the old willow bench under a huge birch tree whose leaves trembled in the breeze.

  “Oh?” he pretended nonchalance.

  “I’ve been trying to understand why you’ve stayed away.” Her troubled gaze held his. “You’re probably disgusted by what I told you but—”

  “Holly, stop.” Luc sat on the grass in front of her and took her hands. “I’m not disgusted. I’m only sad you had to go through it all.”

  “Oh.” Was that relief on her face?

  “You don’t deserve punishment. You’ve punished yourself enough.” Luc squeezed her hands then let go of them because the contact caused too much inner turmoil and he needed to concentrate on what he had to say. “God doesn’t hold grudges. He’s forgiven you. The past is over. It’s time to move on.”

  “But I told you—”

  “I can’t love you, Holly.” Her shoulders sagged and her eyes misted, and for a moment Luc wished he’d never said those words.

  “Why?”

  “Because at heart I’m a coward. I refuse to risk loving and losing.” Luc hated revealing his weakness but he needed her to stop believing there could be anything between them.

  “Can you explain that?” Holly asked, and when he didn’t immediately respond she leaned closer. “Please? I need to understand.”

  He’d give anything to erase the pain from her eyes.

  Anything but love.

  “I couldn’t take it in when my parents died,” Luc began. “I had no relat
ives to soften the loss. My world crashed and nobody explained anything to me.” He still felt the fear lingering in the deepest recesses of his soul. “Everything was bewildering. I’d been happy at home, but, suddenly that was gone. My parents were gone. My life was gone and all I knew was that it would never be the same again.”

  “Oh, Luc.” Her empathy forced him to continue.

  “The social workers tried,” he said, “but I ended up being shunted from place to place with no say about where I stayed, with whom or for how long.”

  “That’s why you identify with Henry,” Holly said.

  “I guess.” Luc shrugged. “Anyway, one thing kept me going.” He felt his body tense as he prepared to reveal his own dark secret. “I had this dream that one day I’d make a place of my own, control my own future. Then I’d finally be home and safe.”

  “So you bought your ranch.” The way Holly said that made it sound so easy.

  “I did. But it took a long time and a lot of determination.” He fell silent, loath to replay what he’d endured to make his dream live.

  “Tell me, Luc.” Her soft, cajoling words drew the past from his lips.

  “I needed a lot of money so I chose the oil fields. Labor is always in demand there and they pay well, if you can stick it out. I did.” He tried to conceal his shudder by shifting on the grass. “I chose the least favorite, highest paid shifts, I accepted the dirtiest job with danger pay and endured the most abusive bosses to earn top dollar for every hour. I dragged myself to bed every night wondering if I’d make it up again in the morning and then rise wondering if anyone would notice if I didn’t.”

  Holly watched him without saying a word. She’d crossed her legs beneath her, huddling against the bench as he spoke.

  “But I couldn’t make money fast enough.” Luc squeezed his eyes closed. “I craved a place of my own. That’s why I started fighting. For money. A lot of money.”

  “Oh.” Holly blinked as if she didn’t quite understand. “You never said this before.”