Her Christmas Family Wish Page 17

  He wanted to be part of her world.

  Permanently?

  Wyatt studied her from a darkened corner of her yard, marveling that he was even considering the question. And yet, he was tired of being alone, of trying to manage. These past weeks of sharing with Ellie and Gracie had opened his eyes to joy, and it had been so long since he’d felt that.

  He’d finally come to terms with the fact that he would never be the son his father wanted, and he couldn’t spend the rest of his life trying to achieve something he didn’t want.

  But he could strive to be the son God wanted.

  He wanted Ellie.

  She’d swept into his world and prodded him back to life, despite his intention to remain aloof. Now he couldn’t conceive of a day without her there to cheer and encourage him. She made him think of possibilities. He cared about Ellie Grant a great deal.

  Cared about? Who was he kidding?

  He loved Ellie.

  The knowledge terrified him as much as it thrilled him. Relationships meant promises, and Wyatt was so lousy at keeping those. But he could learn from his past, couldn’t he?

  What about Gracie?

  That little girl wanted a daddy so badly. Involvement with Ellie meant Wyatt better be fully committed, because Gracie needed and deserved a man who’d be there for her no matter what. He didn’t think that was going to be a problem. He already loved her. But she would demand his total attention. She wanted a real daddy, not a fake or a halfway man. Wyatt suddenly realized he wanted to be that little girl’s longed-for father.

  But the real question was Ellie. She’d told him she wasn’t interested in a relationship.

  She’d also kissed him and seemed to like it when he kissed her.

  Now he had to make a choice: embrace life and love with Ellie or remain on the sidelines of life. But doing the latter meant risking becoming hard and embittered like his father.

  When Wyatt weighed not having Ellie and Gracie in his life permanently, there was no contest. He wanted them both. It might take a while to convince Ellie he’d make her a good husband, but that was okay. As far as Wyatt was concerned, he had all the time in the world.

  “Hey, Wyatt? Can I talk to you for a minute?” Albert shuffled his feet nervously.

  “Sure.” Albert would make a great addition to their family. Wyatt didn’t doubt Ellie would agree with that. The boy was still quiet, but at least he was losing that nervous tenseness. “What’s up?”

  “I was thinking… Ellie has done a lot for me and—” Albert stopped, then started again. “I—uh, I want to give her something for Christmas.”

  “We can go shopping tomorrow,” Wyatt promised.

  “I don’t have any money. Anyway I want to give her something from me, something that I put effort into.”

  “Okay.” Wyatt wondered where this was going.

  “Gracie and I were exploring the other day, and I saw some woodworking stuff in one of the sheds.” He stopped, then blurted, “Can you show me how to make a wooden bowl for Ellie?”

  “I haven’t used my tools in a really long time.” Wyatt thought of how his father had hated him working with his hands, and of how much he’d loved creating from wood. “It would be nice to share my hobby with someone.” He smiled at Albert. “When do you want to start?”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Right after supper,” Wyatt said. “I’ve got something to do in the afternoon.”

  If Wyatt was going to move ahead with his life and loving Ellie, wasn’t it about time he found out everything about his mother? Then maybe he could finally put the past behind him and embrace the future.

  And then he’d tell Ellie he wanted to share that future with her.

  Because he loved her.

  *

  Ellie was trying to be positive, but she couldn’t quite understand Wyatt’s urgency.

  “Why do you need to visit her today?” she asked as he drove toward his mother’s home.

  “I need answers. But, first, I want to introduce her to Cade. I want him to meet his grandmother. I don’t want him to spend his life asking questions about her.”

  She heard the underlying As I did.

  “Good idea,” she said, determined to be supportive. “I hope you brought a camera.”

  He nodded.

  “I’m not sure she’ll be able to answer your questions, though, Wyatt.” She hated dashing his hopes.

  “I’m not going to ask her many,” he said as he turned into the parking lot. He shot her a grin full of confidence. “I’m going to talk to Mr. Parker. My investigator said he’s been at Eventide for fifteen years, so he must have known my father.”

  “What if Mr. Parker doesn’t have the answers?” Ellie was worried that Wyatt had too much vested in what he thought he’d learn today. “It might not go as you want,” she cautioned.

  “Ellie! Is that you with no faith?” he teased. He leaned across and tapped her on the nose. “‘If God be for us, who can be against us?’ Remember?”

  She waited until he’d come around to open her door. He held out a hand, and she took it, unable to stop herself. How she loved this man.

  “I’m sure your mother will be delighted to meet Cade.” She watched as he lifted his son from the car seat, wet one fingertip and smoothed the small curl on the top of Cade’s head. “What a handsome pair you make.”

  She clung to Wyatt’s hand when the receptionist told them Mr. Parker would meet with them after they visited Wyatt’s mother. She held his hand when Ruth sat holding Cade on her knee. After a few minutes, she began to call Cade Wyatt.

  “Wyatt was such an active boy. I had to have three sets of eyes in my head,” Ruth said. “He was so busy. He walked when he was seven months, and then it was running. Running everywhere, all the time. Such a sweet boy.”

  The way she, too, licked her finger and smoothed Cade’s curl brought tears to Ellie’s eyes. Wyatt’s eyes grew damp as well when the frail woman pressed a kiss against Cade’s cheek. But when the little boy began to wiggle and try to get down, Wyatt’s mother seemed to fade.

  Ellie took Cade to a corner of the room, so Wyatt could focus on Ruth’s now faint words.

  “Bernard was so busy. He seldom stayed home in the evening,” she whispered. “I asked him to help me, and he always said yes, but he never had time or he forgot.”

  Ellie saw how deeply those words hit Wyatt. He, also, had been too busy and forgetful, and he’d spent months regretting it.

  “Forgiven, Wyatt,” she whispered just loud enough for him to hear. “You’re forgiven.”

  He stared at her for a moment, then nodded, his eyes shining. A second later he clasped his hands around his mother’s.

  “You did very well,” he told her gently. “You were a good mother.”

  “I tried to be.” She frowned. “But then I got sick. I had to go away.”

  “Did Bernard send you away?” he asked carefully.

  “No! He wasn’t like that. It wasn’t his fault.” Ruth began rocking back and forth, clearly growing more agitated. “I had to leave.” She gripped his hands fiercely and stared into his face. “I had to go because something bad happened. He didn’t want me to go. But I had to leave.”

  Those were her last coherent words. Suddenly she began wailing, growing more distraught with Wyatt’s attempts to calm her. A moment later the attendant showed up and asked them to leave.

  “Ruth had to go,” the attendant repeated just loudly enough for them to hear.

  Wyatt immediately caught on. “Yes, of course she did. We understand.”

  “You see, Ruth, they understand. We all do. You had to leave, and that’s the way it was. Come now, dear. We’ll go have some tea.” With an arm around her shoulder, the woman urged Ruth out of the room.

  Wyatt watched his mother leave, his hands clenching and unclenching by his side. Finally Ellie went to him.

  She wrapped her arms around him and held him. “Whatever happened back then, Ruth is all right. Your mother
is fine, and she has great caregivers.”

  “I was the same kind of man he was.” Wyatt’s arms slid around her waist. He pressed his forehead against hers and spoke words that seemed to be dragged from him. “I never kept my promises, either. That’s what my father taught me.”

  “And now your heavenly Father is teaching you a different way with Cade.” She glided her fingers through his hair, loving the touch of its tight curls against her fingertips, loving the opportunity to be here, in his arms, sharing this most important moment with him. “You’re not the same as your father. You’re Wyatt, and you’re a wonderful dad to Cade.”

  “I love you, Ellie Grant.” Wyatt’s words shocked her with their quiet intensity. Then he bent his head and kissed her the way Ellie had only ever dreamed of being kissed.

  She kissed him back, pouring her heart and soul into showing him, and then, lest he not have understood, she leaned back and said, “I love you, too, Wyatt. So much.”

  He touched his lips to her neck, a smile in his voice as he said, “I thought you didn’t want a romantic relationship, Ellie.”

  “I didn’t. Until you came.” She kissed his jaw and the corner of his mouth and the end of his nose. “What about you?”

  “I was never going to risk failing another person. I was going to focus totally on Cade.” He grinned at her. “Until I fell in love with you.”

  “When was that?” she asked, savoring the wonderful words.

  “The moment I saw you, I think.” Then he kissed her again, and Ellie lost all rational thought until a squeal just outside the room separated both of them. “Where’s Cade?”

  “Right here.” Graham Parker stood in the hall, holding Cade in his arms. “He runs fast,” he said with a chuckle.

  “I’m sorry.” Ellie took him. “I should have been watching him more closely.”

  “No problem.” He smiled, then looked at Wyatt. “Would you like to have that talk now?”

  Wyatt nodded.

  Ellie threaded her fingers in his as they walked to the administrator’s office. At last Wyatt was going to get the answers he’d been waiting for.

  Please, be with him now, she pleaded. Please, please, let it be okay.

  But as soon as Mr. Parker began speaking, she knew it wouldn’t be.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Wyatt sat in stunned silence as his questions were finally answered.

  “I’m sorry to have to tell you, Mr. Wright,” the administrator said as he leaned forward in his chair, “but your mother suffers from schizophrenia. She has for some time.”

  He felt as if a vise was clenching his heart, but he sat there, quiet and still as Mr. Parker continued.

  “Mrs. Wright was brought here by her husband almost twenty-eight years ago.”

  “Why?” Wyatt squeezed the word out past the lump in his throat.

  “I wasn’t in charge then, you understand,” the man said, his tone troubled. “But I checked the records for you. They indicate that she was brought in by her husband, at her request, after she left her son alone in an empty house to walk through the desert. Apparently she had some sort of break with reality. Since that day Mrs. Wright has not left our care.”

  “Surely she was treated?”

  “Oh, yes. She’s received ongoing treatment,” Mr. Parker assured him. He sighed. “It has not been—shall we say, totally successful.”

  “But when my father died—” He tried to order his thoughts, grateful when Ellie stepped in.

  “Wyatt was never informed that his mother was alive or that she was here,” she told the administrator. “Why was that?”

  “Quite simply, and I’m sorry if this sounds hurtful, but your father didn’t want you to know.” He tented his fingers.

  “Why?” Wyatt couldn’t stop the words from exploding from him. “Why didn’t he tell me? I could have visited, talked to her, helped her. Instead I’ve gone all these years without knowing my mother was even alive.”

  Fury built inside until he could no longer sit. He jumped to his feet. When Ellie rose, too, he waved her off.

  “I need some time to process this. Can you watch Cade?”

  “Of course.” After giving him a loving look she left with Cade.

  Wyatt wandered down the hall, drawn somehow back to Ruth’s room. He stood outside the open door, listening to her voice, trying to make it sink into his brain that this was his mother, the woman who’d given him life, the one who should have been sharing his life.

  Wyatt wasn’t sure how long he remained there before it dawned on him that Ruth was speaking to someone. He peeked around the corner but saw no one else in the room. Puzzled, he stood there, listening.

  “I can’t, Bernard,” she said in a mournful tone. “Don’t you understand? I can’t take care of a child, not even my own. I’m afraid that you’ll leave me alone, and I’ll do something wrong again. Help me, please. Don’t make me stay.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “What if I hurt him?”

  Hurt him—Wyatt? She’d run away to save him? Wyatt couldn’t make the pieces come together.

  Confused, he walked back to the administrator’s office.

  “May I interrupt again?” he asked.

  “Of course. Whatever I can do to help you,” Mr. Parker assured him.

  “Can you tell me more about her disease?”

  “Certainly. Schizophrenia is a long-term mental disorder of a type involving a breakdown in the relation between thought, emotion and behavior, leading to faulty perception, inappropriate actions and feelings, withdrawal from reality and personal relationships into fantasy and delusion, and a sense of mental fragmentation.” The man frowned. “Of course there are treatments.”

  “Drugs.” Wyatt grimaced.

  “Antipsychotic medications,” Mr. Parker corrected. “Your mother has been treated with a number of them in different combinations but with limited success. If you wish you could certainly make an appointment to speak to her doctor.”

  “Why don’t you give me the short version?” Wyatt suggested.

  “Well, according to her records, she seems to suffer side effects from most of them, so treating her is a delicate balance.” He glanced at the file in front of him. “Ruth is also receiving ongoing psychotherapy.”

  “Which doesn’t seem to be working much if she’s still having these—what did you call them—breakdowns?” Wyatt exhaled and asked the question uppermost in his mind. “Is it genetic?”

  “I’m not an authority—”

  “Please, just tell me what you know,” Wyatt pleaded.

  Mr. Parker hesitated for several moments, then spoke very quietly.

  “Schizophrenia has a strong hereditary component. Individuals with a first-degree relative such as a parent or sibling who has schizophrenia have a ten percent chance of developing the disorder, as opposed to the one percent chance of the general population.” The administrator sighed. “I’m sorry.”

  Wyatt’s insides froze.

  “Son,” Parker said softly. “Your father believed that was the main reason your mother insisted on leaving her home and you,” Parker said.

  Wyatt blinked back to reality. “Excuse me?”

  “She wanted to protect you.” Parker shrugged. “Your father made certain she would be taken care of here at Eventide.”

  “But he never let me see her or even know she was here.” Wyatt couldn’t get past that.

  “He may have shared her fears that you would get hurt.”

  With that comment Wyatt’s lonely childhood suddenly made sense. His father’s strict demands were to make sure his son didn’t go off on some tangent, didn’t get sidetracked. He’d pushed Wyatt to become a lawyer to be grounded in facts, as he was. Mental disease would be abhorrent to socially conscious Bernard Wright.

  “Of course treatment has changed a lot. Diagnosed earlier, success rates are much better. Many people who suffer with this disease are able to manage it with medication and return to work and a normal life.” Mr. Parker studied him
. “I don’t think you—”

  “Oh, you’re in here.” Ellie stood in the doorway. “Sorry to interrupt, but Cade’s really hungry, Wyatt.”

  “Yes, we need to leave.” He rose, thrust out a hand to the administrator. “Thank you for explaining. I’m sorry I took so much of your time.”

  “Not at all. I’ll walk out with you.” Mr. Parker plucked a wafer out of a red Christmas tin on his desk and handed it to Ellie. “This might help with your boy.”

  She took it and handed it to Cade who immediately stopped weeping and began eating the treat. “Thank you.”

  “It’s a wonderful time of year to share with a child that age.” Parker led the way outside, smiling as the landscape lighting clicked on. “Kids are so inspiring. For them Christmas means anything’s possible.”

  Anything? Like not developing schizophrenia?

  “May I say one thing more?” Mr. Parker asked. “Your mother’s fears are probably unfounded. But at least you know the truth now, and with advance warning you can seek treatment.”

  Thanks for nothing.

  Parker mussed Cade’s hair, urged them to visit Ruth again, then wished them a Merry Christmas.

  “Let’s go.” Wyatt walked back to the truck, replaying everything he’d learned.

  The ride home was silent. Finally, he pulled up in front of Ellie’s, and when he helped her out of the truck, she grabbed the front of his jacket and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.

  “You won’t get schizophrenia just because your mother has it, Wyatt.” Ellie’s confidence came through the whispered words.

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I love you, Wyatt. And I have faith that God has something special planned for you.” She touched his cheek, her eyes brimming with love.

  He loved that about Ellie, that steely confidence in her heavenly Father. Truth was, he loved everything about her, from the top of her ruffled curls that never seemed to tame to her pink-tipped toenails peeking out from her sandals. She was as lovely inside as out.

  But he couldn’t offer her security, and therein lay his problem.

  Yet neither could he walk away, not from sweet, loving Ellie.

  Wyatt leaned forward and rested his lips on hers, trying to tell her without words how much he cared for her. Since the day they’d met, she’d been there for him, cheering him on, encouraging him to embrace life. He wordlessly tried to tell her how much her support, her love meant to him, infusing as much into the kiss as he could.