Hoping for a Father Read online

  “Wasn’t it responsible to get me back here once you realized I’d hurt my ankle?” she asked. “Wasn’t it responsible to take those bankers on their trip so there would be money for your parents’ renovations? To keep them interested with your stories, to make sure they understood the risks of everything they wanted to try?”

  “You did that, not me.”

  “Me?” Mandy smiled and shook her head. “I’m not the one who decided which trail we should come back on or arranged it so I’d bring up the rear, which allowed me to pause without anyone noticing. I’m not the one who called Oliver to bring horses or offered to take over for Lanny when there was no one else.”

  “I canceled that. Anyway, that was—”

  “Responsibility,” she interrupted. “I’m not the one who reorganized Ben’s entire accounting system and discovered we’d been overcharged by one of our suppliers.” She smiled at his surprise. “Yes, I know what you’ve been up to. That’s you, Drew. You being responsible.”

  He shook his head, but his eyes remained on her. That gave her courage to continue, to try to help him see who he really was.

  “What do you think responsibility is about?” She smiled at his blink of confusion. “You harp on your lack of responsibility so much that I looked it up. One of the definitions is being able to answer for one’s conduct and obligations. As in trustworthy.” Mandy reached out and touched his cheek, unable to stop herself and needing that small comfort. “You are trustworthy, Drew. What you’ve just told me about this fund for Ella proves it.”

  He shook his head. “That’s only doing the right thing,” he muttered.

  “Another definition of responsibility is knowing right from wrong. God gave you tons of responsibility, Drew. All you have to do is trust Him to show you how to use it.”

  Mandy could see that he wasn’t able to accept this, couldn’t get past his preconceptions. She wouldn’t prolong the conversation, not tonight when she was hurting and too vulnerable. Eager to escape before she begged him to be part of her world again permanently, Mandy rose without thinking. She yelped as pain shot up her leg.

  Before she could blink, Drew had swung her into his arms and carried her into the house. He set her on the sofa, then went to fetch her crutch and their used glasses. He placed his empty one in the sink but refilled hers and set it on the table by the sofa where she could reach it.

  “You need to rest now,” he said firmly, his fingertips brushing her jawline. Was that a hint of anger tingeing the cracks in his voice? “Can you manage to get to bed or should I call Trina?”

  “I’m fine. I can manage just fine,” she insisted, trying not to lean into his touch. Drew didn’t look convinced so she added, “Leave Trina alone. She has a big date with a guy she likes. I’m not going to spoil that.”

  Drew studied her for a few more moments. Finally he nodded. “You have your phone?”

  She pointed to the table where it sat.

  “Okay. I’ll go. But if you need anything,” he said harshly and repeated, “anything. You are to call me. Don’t be a hero.”

  “No,” she agreed, not quite able to smother a tiny grin. “We have quite enough heroes around here today.”

  Drew rolled his eyes and gave her a disgusted look before heading toward the door. He paused there for a moment, then turned around and threw her a quirky smile.

  “I guess this means you won’t be making coffee tomorrow morning, Manda Panda. Too bad. Good night.” After a long-suffering sigh, he left, the door softly closing behind him.

  “Thank you,” she called, but it was too late. He was gone.

  “Get used to it,” she told herself. “He’ll soon be gone for good.”

  Mandy let herself think about Drew, the way he’d cared for her, made sure the doctor visited and then foraged for a meal that would make chefs drool. Imagining him tiptoeing into Bonnie’s sacrosanct garden to pick lettuce, a green onion and dill for the salad make her chuckle out loud. He’d even made her favorite iced tea without being asked.

  Responsible? Drew went above and beyond responsibility.

  She loved that about him. Because she loved him. Her heart had never found anyone else but Drew. He was Ella’s father, like her in so many ways, if he would only see that.

  But Drew wasn’t staying. He didn’t love her.

  Tears welled as Mandy accepted reality. He wasn’t going to reconsider or see the error of his ways or go through some enlightenment that would suddenly reveal a gritty determination to be the father her little girl so longed for, or the man who held her heart. And it didn’t do her or Ella any good to keep hoping, pretending or wishing it would ever be otherwise.

  Mandy let her tears flow while her hopes and dreams died. But tears didn’t help.

  So as the moon slid out from beneath the clouds and lit the ranch yard, as the working sounds of the ranch died away and only a faint whinny of horses carried to the house, Mandy prayed for acceptance of God’s will. It was the only way she knew to deal with her hurt.

  By morning’s dawning light she was able to accept that God wanted her to remain single. Hadn’t she known since Ella’s birth that romance and love were not for her? She’d ruined her chance at that.

  She’d done without Drew’s love this far. Though it hurt, she would continue to do so. She would put on her best face and do her job, maybe not the same as she’d done before her injury, but there were several calls she’d put off, business that could be done over the phone. Organizing the renovations for Bonnie and Ben’s house now that they had funds for it was one. No one would notice that anything about her had changed.

  Calf branding might have to wait, but as soon as Mandy could put a little weight on her foot, she’d ask one of the men to bring over a quad. She’d take it to the office and finish working on her spreadsheets so everything would be organized when her bosses returned. There were a thousand things to concentrate on. And when she ran out of them, she’d go online and order some new jeans. Hers were shabby and nothing about them gave off the aura of boss.

  She was not going to admit that she wanted to look better while Drew was here.

  Mandy would not mourn him. Not in public anyway. God had things for her to do. He’d been with her all these years, since the very darkest days after Ella’s birth. She wouldn’t look back. She would look ahead and wait to see what He had in store for her future.

  Thus resolved, Mandy glanced around for her crutch. Her gaze snagged on the album on the lower shelf of the coffee table. Her “don’t miss the beautiful things” album. The perfect reminder that God was faithful.

  Tenderly she picked it up and opened the first page. Her sweet baby. Resolutely she pushed away every memory from that most difficult time except the wonder of her tiny daughter, every finger, every toe so perfectly formed by God himself. God had known what He was doing then and He knew now. Page after page, Mandy found answers to prayer in Ella’s history.

  ‘“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength,’” she quoted. “Teach me, Lord, to wait.”

  Oh, Drew, her heart wept. If you could only let go of your fear long enough to see the wonder of our precious child.

  At last she fell asleep.

  * * *

  Drew set his phone alarm for five thirty in the morning even though he hadn’t finished his own work until well after one. Responsibility was earned. It was about time he stopped taking and started giving. Was that God’s prompt inside his head? He wasn’t sure. He only knew it was time he helped Mandy.

  This wasn’t about love, he told himself. It was about being a friend to someone who had repeatedly been there for him. Allowing love into it wasn’t possible because he wasn’t staying and he couldn’t pretend otherwise.

  By six, Drew was holding a quick staff meeting to explain that Mandy was nursing a severe ankle sprain and would not be available. The staff was to com
e to him with all questions and problems. Oliver helped him figure out the most pressing issues and organize the hands to deal with them. Thankfully Drew was not scheduled to escort a group today so he spent a couple of hours studying Mandy’s notes in her office and checking her calendar. The sight of the dormant computer reminded him that he hadn’t kept his promise to finish her spreadsheet program. He grabbed the little notebook out of his shirt pocket and added that to his growing to-do list.

  At the sound of a car motor, Drew stepped outside and saw Trina driving through the gate. He walked over and explained the situation.

  “Maybe Mandy won’t want me fussing over her this early,” Trina said. “I could work at my place for a while on some stuff for Ella’s birthday on Saturday.”

  Drew had completely forgotten about that. He’d only intended to stay six weeks, which would end on Saturday, but how could he walk away on Ella’s big day, while Mandy was incapacitated?

  “Drew?”

  “Oh, sorry. Thinking.” He quickly nodded. “Go ahead, Trina. Mandy’s probably still sleeping anyway. I’ll check on her in a bit, see if she needs anything.”

  “She had some things she wanted me to do in the house while Ella’s at camp. You’re sure it’s okay if I leave now?” Trina didn’t look convinced that Drew could handle whatever Mandy needed.

  “I’m sure,” he said firmly. “Go.”

  “Okay. Back in a couple of hours.” Trina drove away.

  It was almost eight o’clock by the time Drew found a moment to check on Mandy. He tapped gently on the door before stepping inside, not wanting to disturb her. To his dismay, she lay on the sofa, exactly where he’d left her the night before, wearing the same clothes. She was clutching a book to her chest, and when he pried it from her, she woke up.

  “Oh,” she said, blinking the sleep from her beautiful green eyes. “Hi. I just dozed off.”

  “Uh-huh.” He showed her his watch and laughed at her gasp of disbelief, amused by the way she shoved long, wayward strands of blond hair out of her eyes. “How’s the foot?”

  He asked it just as she shifted her leg to the floor and made to stand. She shrieked and flopped back against the cushions, hissing her breath between her teeth like an angry snake.

  “Does that answer your question?” she gasped.

  “Pretty much.” Drew studied the book he held. Don’t Miss The Beautiful Things. Probably very personal. He stifled his urge to peek inside by setting it on the coffee table. What exactly were the beautiful things?

  “Man, that hurts. I forgot—oh, ouch!” She eased her leg onto the cushions. “I really need a cup of coffee.” She handed him the melted bag of peas with a mournful face.

  “You’re not the only one,” Drew muttered.

  “Well—” Mandy studied him. “If I tell you step by step, can you try to make some? Please? I’m desperate.”

  “I know the feeling, but you know that my coffee never turns out.” He wasn’t going to try again and fail again. Well, he wasn’t until he really looked at Mandy and saw pain filling her lovely eyes. With a sigh of surrender, he walked to her kitchen. “What’s first? Water, right?” He turned on the tap.

  “No, not that water,” she said. “It’s too hard. Take it from the water cooler.”

  “Maybe that’s why my coffee’s never good,” he said thoughtfully.

  “Drew, come on,” Mandy urged. “Withdrawal is about to set in. Fill the pot with that water. The coffee is in the fridge, in a canister. See it?” she asked as he peered into the fridge.

  “Okay, but why is it in the fridge?” he asked with a frown.

  “I’m not sure, but that’s how I learned to make it for my dad so that’s how I’ve kept doing it. Have you got a clean filter in the basket? Good. You need to find a yellow plastic spoon in the drawer.”

  Drew held up a tablespoon. “Will this do?”

  “Yellow. Plastic.” Mandy sighed as if her patience was running thin. She must need coffee worse than he did.

  “It’s not here—wait.” He spied a weird shaped yellow spoon at the back of the drawer and dragged it out. “This thing?”

  “Yes. Now measure exactly three spoons of coffee into the basket. No!” she squealed before he could dump even one. “Too much. Just a level spoonful.”

  “Who knew it was an exact science?” he muttered to himself, following her directions precisely with exaggerated movements. “Or that you’re so bossy?”

  “I heard that,” she said with a glower. “Okay, put the basket in place, dump the water in and place the pot underneath. It will start dripping immediately.”

  Not quite sure it was as easy as that, Drew stood watching. Within seconds the fragrant aroma of fresh brewed coffee hit his nostrils.

  “It worked,” he chortled. “I think I actually made good coffee.”

  “We’ll have to taste it to know for sure,” Mandy warned. “It will take about three minutes to brew. Can we talk while that’s happening?”

  “Sure.” Drew walked to the chair he’d sat in last night and folded himself into it. “What’s up?”

  “Business. There are a couple of things that must be done today.” Mandy blinked when he pulled his notebook from his pocket. “What’s that?”

  “To-do list.” He licked his pencil, ready to write. “Shoot.” When Mandy didn’t speak, he glanced up, found her gaping at him.

  “Did you just say shoot?” she asked in disbelief.

  “Yeah. So?” Drew didn’t get whatever was going on in her mind, but then he’d never been great at reading people.

  “Who are you and what have you done with Drew Calhoun?” Mandy burst out laughing at his surprise. “Shoot? What are you, some kind of Hollywood cowboy?”

  She chortled so long and so hard that Drew returned his pencil and notebook to his pocket and went to find out if the coffee was as good as it smelled. It was.

  “I make good coffee,” he said smugly after taking a sip. “Extremely good.”

  “So share already, cowboy.” Mandy scrutinized his every move as he poured coffee into her mug and then added cream. “It smells amazing.” She accepted the cup from him and inhaled. “I wish I’d had a cup of this about two hours ago.”

  She did everything with such full-bodied zest, even enjoying her morning coffee. First she tasted it, just a drop or two on her tongue. Then she took a bigger sip. Drew suddenly realized he was staring. He gulped his last mouthful, clamped on his hat and headed to the door.

  “Okay, tell me what must be done first so I can get to work,” he said. “Trina’s working on some birthday stuff for Ella but she’ll be back shortly. You good till then?”

  “Yes. After I have a second or perhaps third cup of coffee, I’m having a shower.” Mandy held up her hand to stop him. “Don’t say it!” she ordered. “I’ll agree to wait till Trina gets back, but I am having a shower.” She told him the immediate issues that needed handling, then added, “Don’t mess up my ranch, Drew!”

  “Shades of Miss Partridge,” he muttered with a John Wayne imitation tip of his hat. After setting the thermal carafe of coffee and the cream pitcher on the table near her, he left, humming a tune.

  “Funny how a little coffee cheers you up,” Oliver teased when he caught up to Drew a few minutes later. “Or is it the company you keep?”

  “Oh, get over yourself.” Drew tugged a sheet of paper from his back pocket and unfolded it. “While Mandy’s laid up, she wants these things done. I want to add some to-do’s of my own. Having worked here for a while, I have some ideas of how this place could run a little easier for Bonnie, Ben and Mandy. Want to help me?”

  “Would these be the same ideas the boss nixed when you first came because she said they were too expensive?” Oliver studied the sheet of paper, then frowned at Drew.

  “They’re not that expensive,” he countered. “Anyway, I’m pa
ying for the supplies. It will be my Mother and Father’s Day gifts.” He grinned at Oliver’s skeptical face. “In or not?

  “Anything that helps Mandy, Bonnie and Ben is something I want to be part of. What’s first?” Oliver scratched his head as he studied the number of entries.

  “The gate. It’s too narrow and too low for the big trucks to get in, which makes it really tedious to load stock for market. Anyway, I don’t think our guests want to watch that when they’re here for a riding lesson or a trek. Come on. I’ll show you my plan.”

  “The boss is going to be, uh, gobsmacked.” Oliver guffawed at Drew’s glower.

  Mandy would be surprised, but she’d also be happy about this new loading method because it would take less time and effort for everyone and probably reduce the stress on the herd. When it came to Hanging Hearts Ranch, Mandy was all about efficiency.

  Drew received a couple of texts about two new contracts for his own business. He accepted the simplest one but declined the other because it would take too long. He wanted to be relatively free to continue running the Double H for as long as Mandy needed to heal. He’d already planned to shorten his working hours at night to a fraction of his usual six-hour day. When he got back to New York, he’d be able to work whenever and for as long he wanted. Sadly, there’d be nothing and no one there to distract him.

  It struck Drew then that leaving the ranch was not going to be as simple as he’d thought when he first agreed to come. He hated that he’d be going without finishing everything he’d begun, but worse, that he’d be leaving Mandy and Ella vulnerable because no one would be here to watch out for them until Ben was back on his feet.

  Also, Drew was now a father and Mandy’s temporary stand-in.

  Nothing about his life was simple anymore.

  * * *

  On Friday afternoon Mandy sat in the car, waiting impatiently for Ella, watching other parents picking up their kids and listening to exciting tales about the five days they’d spent at Camp Tapawingo. Despite her painful foot, she’d flatly refused to stay home and wait for Drew to return with Ella. She needed to be here, to hug her daughter and make sure she was all right.